Anyways, back to the story... I sip the beer while making small talk.. was slightly high by then.. i forgot to mention, the moment i left my hse, the dude offered me a spliff.. yummz~ its been too long since ive had a puff of grass.. and this was relatively good stuff too! it hit me almost immediately.. which is rare, cos i hardly ever feel the effects of weed. ah well.. by the time i got to TSB, i was half stoned.. mm.
i tried gamely to concentrate on the conversation that ensued. mostly i was just pretending to listen and interact when really i was more living in my head... (no, its not cos of the weed.. i shall not go into details otherwise this will turn into an emo blog)
time passes, and before u know it, its about 10 - 11ish, and my 2nd so-called date of the night shows up. Well, in my opinion, its called a date if ur out alone with someone.. regardless of gender. so don't jump to conclusions boys n girls...there is nothing romantic or sexual in the term date when i use it. Moving on.
The 2nd date of the night was with Nanda. Some random dude i met the night before @ Attic. Apparently ive met him before. im sorry. i really dont recall you.... im always too fucked out of my mind lately to remember ppl. but since u asked so nicely and i was desperate to go to Lapsap... we went out. (not before making sure that im ok!! i called friends to back me up! :D)
so yes. i reached and it was absolutely empty.. pfft.. and i do mean EMPTY! there was no one inside!! none at all... waht a disappointment.. so we decided to go down to Terrace bar and have a drink.. wait 4 the crowd.
o, i bumped into trent, christiaan, naim and trent's gf (i dont recall her name sorry). they went off to heritage cos trent's gf couldnt get into loft.. -.-
so yeah.. an hr of drinking then we head on up to lapsap. not bad.. at least there was 'some' people.. still disappointingly few tho. anyways, i called up Fizz to see where the group was.. finally, he shows up. while waiting im drinking more beer.. by now im getting numb-ish... its weird.. im not used to the feeling of alcoholic high anymore.. :S feels very disturbing.. i still prefer my other substances...
finally, the group arrives, and the moment they came, i rushed up to them and started dancing, partying and generally having fun.. was better than layaning guys la.. im sorry.. my heart's just not in it... =s the old diane woulda been all out there.. but sorry boys, im no longer that person.
camwhored... =p will find the photos from Nur later and post em up..
alternatively, im sure it'll get on facebook. so get urselves an account if ur not there yet..
end of night, i totally abandoned 2nd date and had Fizz drop me home.. but not before getting Nasi Lemak Ayam and Ribena! thanks fizzy.. <3<3
To prove what an internet whore i am.. 1st thing i do despite being completely high, is to go online and check my facebook and turn on msn. yay me! someone i had been dying to talk to was online.. ^^ tried hard to hold a convo him him.. i hope i didnt say anything wrong.. i dont entirely remember what i said..
finally, i finished up my food and decided that i needed to put my head down.. it was absolutely killing me...
Sunday
yay~ start of another day.. woke up late again.. was about 2-3pm when i finally got out of Lala Land. Almost immediately i started thinking of all the yummy food i was gonna eat.. hehe
Had a small dinner thingy with my parents and Haley. Was awesome possum!! its been awhile since ive had such nice dinners with my parents.. ^^ lots of laughter, yummy food and ooohh!! i had delicious ice cream and fresh strawberries for dessert.. *happy sigh*
am absolutely contented now.. mmm~ nyums! ^^
___________________________________________________________________
side note:
I am absolutely not cut out to b single.. but im trying.. for my sake, and urs, i am trying.. i never really understood how it felt to need.. to yearn physical intimacy from someone. No, it's not the sex that im missing.. if it was, that problem could easily be rectified.. no.. its more of the cuddling. The comfortable silence, the smile that u smile unconsciously becos ur happy just having that someone hold you, the laughing over silly things and the waking up next to someone special... someone that you think of all day, who keeps you going and gives you something to look fwd to when you get home from work or whatever it is u do.
i miss that.
and honestly, i think that its attainable... by most anyone who could hold your interest, but its just too much work and effort. Once you get close enough to someone.. invest that kind of time, and a little bit of trust, you CAN get it... those times only come with effort.. it's strength that i do not have... i was content with the one i had.. the one who cant be mine anymore.
oh well, life goes on.. im staying strong on this one.. no more fooling around and jumping like before.
p/s: u know that diane has changed when she finds the company of admirers irritating. Their prose and sweet words seem fake and it irritates her instead of giving her something to smile about.
Its a whole new chapter. Stay tuned if u'd like.